I often joke about it being time to “enable Zombie Invasion Plan Stage 1″ but I have a few friends who don’t know the first thing about disaster preparedness and who I fully expect to be nursing back to health at the first sign of catastrophy. No offense guys. I’m not a crazy person, ok, maybe a little, but I also tend to make light of serious events with a little humor. I have a whole section on my computer devoted to disaster preparedness and it is aptly named The Zombie Invasion Plan. So here are a few tips, from me to you, on a maintenance day in which I find myself completely bored with nothing better to do.
Every good Zombie Hunter or Zombie Hunter In-Training needs a plan in place before the Zombiepacolypse begins. I like to call this Stage 1 of my Zombie Invasion Plan (ZIP). Stage 1 consists of preparing for the first 72 hours of a Zombie Invasion. For those who prefer to use this as a guide for more *cough*realistic*cough* events, feel free to insert words such as “Basic Disaster Preparedness”, “Unexpected Utility Outages”, “Earthquake”, “Blizzardageddon”, etc where you see the words “Zombie Invasion”. Since most disasters such as Zombie Invasions are unexpected events and could change on a whim based on the events, and we can never prepare for every possible scenario, I focus on two basic survival plans. I call them the “GTFO Plan” and the “Bunker Down Plan”. For both plans I will detail sensible plans of action that should be enacted now, before zombies strike. You should not wait until you see postings on Twitter such as “my neighbor is acting strange, dude totally just bit me! Feeling weird….. BRAIIIIIIIIIINS!”
NOTES FOR BOTH PLANS: I have some special notes regardless of which plan you go with. You may agree or disagree with these notes based on your personal preference but they bare listing.
[1] The First Rule of ZIP… there is no ZIP – I’m breaking my cardinal rule because I love you. But you should know that in the future, this discussion never took place. During Stage 1 of the ZIP, you keep your mouth shut. You are preparing yourself and/or your family for survival. Every person you let into that circle of survival is someone who’s survival you will be responsible for. People generally don’t prepare for disasters. If you tell Tom you are prepared for a disaster but Tom has not prepared, guess where Tom is going when disaster strikes. If you’re prepared to take in additional survivors, GREAT. I’m not one of those “it’s all about me” people but be aware that when the Zombies attack, it’s eat or be eaten. Choose carefully who you let into your circle of survival.
[2] Don’t be a Dick – Rule 2 does not counteract Rule 1. Yes, we want to keep our secrets to ourselves before a distaster but when disaster does strike do you want to be remembered as the dude who flipped everyone else off to save himself or are you going to be HUMAN and take care of your fellow survivors? You might not want to tell everyone that you’re prepared at first. However, don’t be the guy that people write about in Apacolypse books that has hordes of flour in your closet but is letting little kids starve. If you do, you’re a DICK and I hope the Zombies eat you first.
[3] Make it personal – Do you live in the desert? a snowy mountanous region? a flood region? prone to earthquakes? Do you have children? pets? special medical circumstances? Every plan is different but YOUR plan should involve your personal needs. For the purposes of this guide, I will be using my personal plan as an example. I have a husband, 3 kids and a dog and we currently live in a SW desert location that is prone to drought. It’s important that for any plan you choose to go with, you make it personal. Hopefully this guide will get you thinking about the common tips and turn them into personal choices.
GTFO Plan – This plan assumes that disaster is imminent or in progress and you are not safe in your current location. You are a girl on the go and you need to go NOW. You’ve seen it before… hurricanes, earthquakes, etc… people standing in line for food and water trying to find their loved ones in the chaos of a disaster. These people were not prepared. Hopefully, you will be!
Step 1 – SURVIVAL BAGS – Everyone gets one. This bag is your lifeline to survival. Every family member should have their own bag. If you have small children, these bags need to be easily carried by them or else you should ration their items into older children’s bags or adult’s bags. You may choose backpacks, rolling luggage, duffel bags, whatever kind you’re more comfortable with. Here are my basic tips for the survival bags:
[a] Small as possible – These should be as small as possible. You are on the go here. Weigh the value of items against their weight. Can you afford to leave something behind if the weight will slow you down? Rolling luggage is great but it should have alternate means of being carried. If there is rubbel on the ground, will you still be able to carry it?
[b] Clearly Marked – Every bag should be clearly marked with the name of the person it belongs to. In a rush, an adult can carry multiple bags but when you get somewhere safe you want to make sure you have the right bag for the right person.
[c] Clearly Non-descript – While you want to label your bags for convenience, you do not want bags that are labeled in big neon signs with “SURVIVAL KIT” or something similar. People suck, and more importantly, people suck even more if you have something they want/need during a time of disaster. If they see a bag marked as clearly being survival gear, you won’t own it very long.
Step 2 – WHAT GOES IN THE BAG?
[a] Water – Desert or not, you can’t live without water. We’re talking about 72 hours here so the amount of water needed is minimal compared to a long-term survival plan. But it’s still #1 on the list because water is the most important part of the plan. At a minimum, you need 1 gallon of water per person per 72 hours. Here’s your first major decision in your ZIP. Water is heavy. Your options are bottled water, bagged water from survival stores, or water purification techniques if you can be sure you will have a water source but might need to purify the water. The last option allows you to carry more of other items in your survival bag but assumes you have a water source. Make your decision based on possible scenarios but do so wisely.
[b] Food – You need to have a full 72 hours (3 days) worth of food supplies per person. If there’s an interest, I’ll expand on this topic in more detail but for now think about each person in your family and think about foods that are [1] light to carry [2] nutritional and [3] won’t go bad. Some suggestions are: granola bars, protein bars, dehydrated fruit snacks. You’re not worried about a balanced diet. You’re main concern is meeting minimum daily caloric and vitamin intake. If you have infants, pets, or members with medical conditions, remember to tailor their food storage based on their special dietary needs.
[c] Bedding/Clothing – Each bag should include 1-2 changes of clothes. If you have children, it’s especially important to update their bags every 6 months or so to account for growth. You will want to use clothes based on the time of year but also include extras “just in case” such as long sleeve vs short sleeve shirts, pants/shorts, don’t forget socks and underwear. It would be nice if your children could have a special pillow or blanket that they like but right now you’re just focusing on survival. Some great bedding options are inflatable pillows. They are lightweight and there are many options to choose from. Remember to bring along options for changing weather: poncho or raincoat for temperate climates, emergency heating blankets for colder climates, etc.
[d] Personal Supplies – Don’t skip on the personal items. The trauma of being caught in a Zombie Invasion can somewhat be averted by the comforts of home. In addition, you’ll be wishing you’d listened that first time you have to whipe your booty with a pine cone. The main thing here is to think about those every day things you use but take for granted. Some examples: toilet paper, feminine products, travel size toothbrush and toothpaste for each member, travel size hygene products (hand sanitizer, lotion, shampoo/conditioner), special medications, diapers/wipes for infants, small travel sized bag dispensor for pet refuse.
[e] First Aid Supplies – Whether you go with a pre-packaged kit or you create one on your own, always think about your family and tweak that kit based on your personal needs. For example: diaper rash cream for infants, children’s tylenol, etc. The kit should be small and be placed in the survival bag of an adult. You may wish to equip each bag with a very basic kit in the event that members are split up.
[f] Miscellaneous Equipment – This is our “GTFO Plan” so your equipment options will vary depending on where you think you may end up after you get out. Are you absolutely sure you’re going to a safe location? Do you have a secret hideout available? Does it have electricity or whater? What items will you have when you get there? What items will you need during your travels? Some commonly recommended items include: can openers, dishes/utensils, shovel, radio, pen and paper, small axe, pocket knife, rope, duct tape, etc. These are your miscellaneous items that would be good to have around but I don’t really recommend you waste the space unless you believe you will need them. What I DO recommend is: small personal flashlights for each person (the wind up kind are best so you’re not reliant on batteries), a few candles, water proof matches, a lighter or two and, if you have the room, some of those small emergency flares.
[g] The Why-Didn’t-I-Think-of-That List – There are some items that people just don’t think about when their house is on fire and the zombies are crashing through the windows. Here are some special items that should be tucked away and some last tips while you prepare your ZIP:
[1] Personal Documents – Passports, legal documents such as Birth/Marriage certificates, vaccination records, insurance policies, etc. In the event that after your 72 hours goes by and you find you don’t have a home to go back to, you might really wish you had those important documents.
[2] Digital Records – dude, it’s 2011, the cost of portable, lightweight hard drives is insanely low right now. Everyone should own at least one and everyone should be backing up their digital files, family pictures, etc on one. Even if the zombies never come, one day you will thank me. That is all.
[3] Money money money – Are your credit cards readily available when you need to GTFO? Every bag should contain (in a well hidden location) a stash of cold hard cash. Not a lot, just enough to get you through an emergency. Twenty dollars, broken up in small bills and coins (not too many coins, those things are heavy) could mean the difference between getting on the subway or getting eaten by a zombie. You never know.
[4] Juice – make sure you have an extra cell phone charger for any cell phones you might bring as well as a few extra batteries for your flashlights if you opted out of the hand-cranked variety. It’s an investment but I highly suggest you buy manual crank devices versus the cheaper on-the-go variety. When your batteries die and you remember you didn’t pack extras because they were so heavy, you’ll be thankful for the investment. I didn’t mention cell phones in the list because, well, who would leave the house without their cellphone? That’s just crazy talk.
[5] If Lost, call XXX – Every survival bag should have a zip-lock bag that contains instructions for dummies (i.e. kids and family members). Important phone numbers, google maps of safe places with directions, emergency response contacts, and most importantly, detailed plans for what actions to take if your are separated. Do you have a backup location if your initial survival destination turns out to be less than desireable? Include special medical information that pertains to the owner of the bag in case of accidents. If your child is on medication and is lost and subsequently hurt, the person who finds your child will know immediately how to take care of him/her.
[6] Location, location, location – You don’t want to be digging through the old Christmas decorations in the attic to find your survival bags while the zombies are downstairs eating your dog. Your bags should be located in a temperature controlled environment. You don’t have to have a special room, but you also don’t want them out in the garage if your garage reachs 100+ degree temps in the summer. A closet near the front or back door or a garage that maintains a stable temperature thoughout the year are good locations. You want to be able to get to them quickly as well as be able to inventory them every 6 months or so to ensure the items are still fresh and appropriate for your needs.
[7] Lastly, and I think very important for those with children, are special items. Games, favorite stuffed animal, any item that will keep your child busy or be a special comfort for them during a time of very high stress. When disaster strikes, you want your children to be comforted and as calm as possible. Pre-pack as much as you can, if you have the room for it. If you have some time, perhaps while you’re busy gathering up the survival bags to throw in the back of your hummer or whatever, let your kids grab a few special items. It will keep them out of your way while making them feel like they are helping.
Bunker Down Plan – I bet you thought I’d write another 55,000 words on the Bunker Down Plan. I’m not, and you’re welcome. The Bunker Down Plan consists of everything that the “GTFO Plan” contains with a few minor additions. A Bunker Down Plan assumes that a disaster has occurred but you will be forced to remain in your current location (presumably your home) for at least 72 hours.
Comfort > Weight – With the Bunker Down Plan, you have a lot more room to splurge. You want your basics from the GTFO Plan in the event that your bunkering fails and you have to GTFO but this is where your crazy tendancies get to flourish. More water, more food, more comfort items, more more more! Better to have an abundance than to go without.
When planning your Bunker Down Plan, think of situations that may occur (i.e. water/electricity outages, airborne pathogens, zombies that don’t know how to turn door-knobs) and how you can prepare yourself and your family for those situations. What will you need to survive those first 72 hours? (cough*see the GTFO Plan*cough) What will you do for those 72 hours to keep busy (i.e. sane)? What happens if those 72 hours turn into a week? a month? If I get any positive response from this post, I may write up my Zombie Invasion Plan Stage 2, The Long Haul, which revolves around extended bunkering in the event those pesky zombies don’t die of starvation as soon as we expect them to.
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